All over America, people attend concerts. Many of them only come occasionally -- for instance, the one Christmas concert your daughter was in, or your best friend’s first solo. Very few concert-goers truly know proper etiquette, what type of camera to bring, or what clothes to wear and when. My hope is that by reading this, I will prevent you from becoming one of the many, boorish, loudly coughing, camera-flashing, annoyances that all too often infest theaters.

Yawning is considered impolite behavior for audiences.

When To Clap
Enchanting music ricocheted off the cathedral walls, and echoed through the chamber. One exquisite chord flowed into the next, weaving a delicate tapestry of angelic song. The director of the choir paused, holding her arms high, letting the previous note soften. Suddenly, applause broke through the air. One lone man in a Hawaiian shirt and sandals was standing and clapping horribly loudly. The director sighed and shook her head. Someone yanked down the offender and he slammed into his seat. Without missing a beat, the director continued, and the choir tried to mend the tear in the music created by the uncouth man.

Anyone who has been to a reasonable amount of concerts, has probably seen, or will see, a scene similar to that one. When to clap has been a recurring issue amongst people that don’t often attend concerts, since the tradition of clapping became established. There is a simple answer: If you aren’t sure, don’t clap. Many times, people begin to clap at the wrong time because they fear that the music is over and no one but them realized it. Other times it is because they are so enthralled that they want to immediately show their approval no matter what. Then there are always the times when a person may clap out of turn because they are so relieved that the long, droning, piece is FINALLY over. Or, perhaps they were falling asleep, and were nudged by someone next to them, then confusing the intention of the nudge for an order to clap, begin to applaud wildly. Whatever the reason, applauding at the wrong time is simply bad manners and tasteless. All right, so you are sure the music is over and you believe no one else has noticed there is one sure-fire way to tell. Watch the conductor, and if you notice him drop his hands to his side (or clasped in front of him) you may clap. I assure you, any competent director will make the ending of a song abundantly clear. Of course you can always wait a few seconds after the music has stopped to be sure, but who wants to do that? Sometimes, there will be several pieces of similar nature put together that should not have applause in between. If this is the case, often times the conductor will remind you to applaud between the songs. If not, your program might mention the deviation. However, if neither of the above occurs, it would be perfectly understandable to mistakenly applaud between the pieces. If it had been important for you not to, that would have been mentioned.

Aachooo!
Coughs and sneezes are the eternal bane of conductors around the world. Anywhere there are people, there are runny noses and itchy throats. The simple solution for a coughing fit is to leave the hall and erupt in private. Although, this answer is not at all profitable for the ailing patron, it minimizes the distraction from the music. Cough drops are a marvelous invention. They do wonders for the throat, and the sound minds of the conductor and choir. And they are fabulous at preventing coughing and bodily harm from the agitated audience. If you bring cough drops with you to a performance, please try to get those with soft, quiet, paper wrappers, or un-wrap them and put them in a plastic bag before you arrive.

If you are one of those people that simply cannot sneeze quietly and just happen to have a cold, it would be sensible to wear long sleeves so you can muffle the sound with your arm, or, simply situate yourself where you can easily get out the door should an attack of sniffles overcome you. A trick that sometimes works is grabbing the bridge of your nose just before you sneeze and effectively turning the blast into a minor snort.

The Electronic No-no’s
Almost everyone has, at some point in his/her life, experienced the strange sensation of being temporarily blinded by a camera, a phenomenon rarely appreciated by anyone over seven. What is even worse is being in a choir and trying to see the conductor out of the side of you eye because you temporarily can’t see anything directly in front of you. Not only that, but most cameras make a rather annoying clicking sound that might quickly infuriate the large man sitting directly behind. The best etiquette would be to leave the camera at home, or stashed safely in a purse to be used only after the hopefully camera-less performance.

Before many performances, the announcer will come out to recite a few thank-you’s and ask the audience to please turn off their cell phones for the duration of the concert. But inevitably there will be someone that is expecting an extremely important call, and that is far more important than maintaining a respectful silence at the concert (they may be right), but almost every cell phone has an ingenious addition that will conveniently turn the ring into a conspicuous vibration that will not be heard by anyone farther then one seat from you.

Crybaby!
What could be more irritating then a baby screaming in the middle of a magnificent rendition of a famous classical piece during a quiet movement? Too many times a young mother will bring along her small children hoping they will simply be quiet and listen to the music. And as fate would have it, they almost unavoidably aren’t. It may not be outright screaming, but the simple fidgeting and squirming often employed by a small child can be horribly irksome. Little children have almost boundless energy, and when asked to sit quietly for any length of time, they have a tendency to find any loose screws on the pew in front of them, or pick up and loudly drop the hymn books, or talk incessantly or any number of highly-exasperating things. Even though, some of the leading minds in childcare may recommend a concert or two for the health of the child, once again, it is not at all pleasant for the people surrounding. That is not to say that children should never attend, just that if they are, it would be wise (and polite) to talk to them before the concert about the importance of being quiet, and being ready to take them out for a while should they be too much of a distraction. Anyone whose child is outright screaming should simply leave the concert until the child can settle down. Trying to muffle the sound of a crying child will only work for a short time, being that the baby might want to breathe occasionally. M.A.